An Embarrassing XI

After indulging myself previously by creating my Dream XI, it’s now my opportunity to inflict pain on myself and create my ‘Embarrassing XI’

My criteria for this one is based on cost ability & attitude – and I must have seen them myself.

Firstly, there can be only one ‘man’ capable of managing this team – Roy Hodgson. If the embarrassment of actually having him as manager wasn’t bad enough, the thought that we sacked my beloved Rafa to do so , is just too much to bare.

Goalkeeper: Mike Hooper – Difficult choice this, but in the end I went with a keeper who made over 50 appearances in 8 years for the club. I know he wasn’t strictly first choice, but this keeper was so bad he didn’t even deserve to be our 2nd keeper.

LB & RB: Paul Konchesky & Julian Dicks – 2 full backs who had more hair on their heads than ability in their feet, both expensive & ridiculously out of their depth at a club like Liverpool.

Paul Konchesky: Failed to make the cut at Liverpool at full-back after being signed by then-Reds boss Roy Hodgson in August 2010.

CB: Torben Piechnik –  Signed from FC Copenhagen in 1992 we had hopes that Piechnik, a member of the Danish squad which won the 1992 Euro Championship, could help shore up a defence that had been deteriorating for the last 2 to 3 years. How our hopes were dashed as he made just 17 appearances in 2 years for the Reds.

CB: Nick Tanner – Apologies Nick, maybe it was coming so soon after the likes of Hansen & Lawrenson, but Tanner was the type of player who gave every overweight middle aged supporter hope that he could still make it too.

RW: Jimmy Carter – Remember him? He was the ‘next Barnesy’ when we signed him from Millwall One for the future? This lad went from bad to worse, eventually he signed for Arsenal where he earned the nickname ‘Jimmy the Jinx’

DM: Christian Poulsen – I like to be patient & give players & managers an opportunity to come good when they sign for Liverpool. However, there are exceptions to the rule & it was quickly identified that Poulsen moved around the pitch slower than a car with 4 flat tyres towing a caravan. The fact the Dane was signed by Hodgson should be of no surprise.

DM: Alberto Aquilani – Signed for £18m from Roma by Rafa Benitez it was difficult to see how this fella earned the nickname Il Principe (the prince) from the Roma faithful. With the Liverpool fans desperately willing him to be a success, he failed miserably. Whether it was the extra pressure or his lightweight frame, Alberto eventually left the club to return to his native Italy. Difficult to believe but, still only 32, Alberto is still managing to steal a living playing football for Sporting CP in Portugal.

Alberto Aquilani: Injury burderned his first season at Liverpool in 2009

LW: Paul Stewart – Another expensive mistake by Liverpool, paying Tottenham over £2 million (that was still a lot of money in 1992) Stewart proved what many of us feared at the time. He was a player riding a rest of a wave that was due to finish very shortly. He eventually left having only played 42 games, scoring just 3 times (2 of these came in 1 Cup Winners Cup game)

ST: Andriy Voronin – One of the first ‘free’ signings made by Liverpool, we quickly learned there was a reason why he came for free. With his long blonde hair he was quickly likened to ‘My Little Pony’ – but after 27 appearances and just 5 goals the stable door was left wide open & he bolted to Hertha BSC.

ST: El Hadji Diouf – The outstanding candidate to captain this team, Diouf is a low life rat who manages to reach lower levels every time he opens his mouth. Quite an accomplishment given the depths he reached when he opened his mouth and spat at Celtic supporters during our UEFA Cup match in 2003. With just 3 goals in 55 appearances he was as pathetic on the pitch as he was off it!

El Hadji Diouf: Only gained a bad image & reputation off the pitch, including a spitting incident in 2003 involving Celtic fans.

Written by Lebigmc (@lebigmc5times)


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